We see this relationship go really well, and we also see it unravel, often more quickly than anyone expects. When things escalate, it’s rarely because someone didn’t care. More often, it’s because boundaries weren’t clear early on, and emotional signals were missed or misunderstood along the way.

Boundaries Are Part of Emotional Intelligence

There’s a misconception that boundaries make relationships feel distant or transactional. In reality, clear boundaries are one of the most emotionally intelligent things a manager can offer. They reduce uncertainty, remove guesswork and help people feel safer in their role.

Without boundaries, people are left interpreting tone, intent and expectations for themselves. That can be exhausting, especially for people who already experience the workplace as overwhelming or ambiguous. Emotional intelligence isn’t just about empathy, it’s about noticing where clarity is needed and providing it before things go wrong.

When Perception and Intent Don’t Match

A growing theme we’re seeing is how quickly situations can escalate when managers and employees are interpreting the same interaction very differently. This is particularly true when working with neurodivergent employees, where communication styles, processing time and response mechanisms can vary widely.

What a manager intends as informal or supportive can be experienced as unclear, inconsistent or even stressful. On the flip side, a direct or literal response from an employee can be misread as resistance or disengagement. When these differences aren’t acknowledged early, assumptions build and tensions rise, often on both sides. Known as the double empathy problem, this tension can lead to significant and often complex breakdowns in the working relationship. 

None of this is about blame. It’s about understanding that people experience work differently, and that emotionally intelligent management means being curious about how messages are being received, not just how they’re delivered.

Why Early Conversations Matter

Many of the most difficult situations we’re called into could have been avoided with earlier, clearer conversations. Conversations about expectations, communication preferences, boundaries around availability, and how feedback is best received.

These don’t need to be heavy or formal. But they do need to happen before frustration sets in. Waiting until someone is already overwhelmed, defensive or disengaged makes everything harder. Early boundary-setting is not a sign of mistrust; it’s a way of creating shared understanding and leading with empathy. But also, it ensures people feel included and considered.

Caring Without Overstepping

Managers often struggle here because they want to be supportive. Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean absorbing everything or fixing every problem. It means recognising what’s yours to hold and what isn’t. Clear boundaries allow managers to show care without becoming overinvolved.

You can acknowledge how someone is feeling, ask what support looks like for them, and still be clear about role expectations. For neurodivergent employees in particular, explicit conversations about boundaries can reduce anxiety rather than increase it.

The Small Signals That Matter Most

Boundaries are reinforced in everyday behaviour - when messages are sent, how quickly responses are expected, whether it’s safe to say “I need more time” or “I’m at capacity.” These signals matter. When they’re inconsistent, people start to second-guess themselves and relationships become strained.

Emotionally intelligent leaders pay attention to these patterns, and not just in others, but in themselves.

A Final Thought

Healthy manager/employee relationships aren’t built on guesswork, good intentions or hoping people will just “figure it out”. They’re built through emotional intelligence, clear boundaries and a genuine understanding that people see and experience work & communication in different ways.

When managers are equipped to understand different thinking styles, they’re better able to adapt their approach without lowering expectations.

This is why conversations about neurodiversity matter. Our training module for line managers “Different Minds, Shared Goals: Understanding Neurodiversity” is about helping managers recognise how differences in perception, processing and communication can shape workplace relationships and how to respond with clarity rather than assumption.

Equally, boundaries are only effective when they’re delivered with care. Our module “Leading with Emotional Intelligence” supports leaders and managers to notice emotional cues, regulate their own responses and have conversations that are grounded, fair and human, even when things feel uncomfortable.

And underpinning all of this is psychological safety. Without it, people hold back, second-guess themselves and avoid speaking up until issues escalate. “Psychological Safety: The Foundation of High-Performing Teams” focuses on creating environments where people feel safe to ask questions, raise concerns and set boundaries early,  before problems take hold.

Because when people feel understood, listened to and safe at work, relationships become stronger. And that’s where healthier conversations, better boundaries and more sustainable performance begin.

Find out more about our training offerings by contacting us at info@freshseed.co.uk